On a serious note, domestic violence in the LGBT community

TW: domestic violence

Recently on Twitter there was a conversation happening tagged #whydidntsheleave and #whyididntleave which highlighted the reality of so many people living in abusive households. Many very serious topics were raised which very clearly showed how complicated an issue domestic violence is.

Often people say things like “Why didn’t she just leave?” and ” I’d never let someone treat me like that.” What people often don’t understand is that DV is insidious and doesn’t start of with someone hitting their partner. It often takes the form of long term manipulation and isolation, so that when the dynamic turns physically violent the victim can barely distinguish the behaviour as abusive. Putting the responsibility for not leaving on the victim is not only disempowering to the person but also victim blaming of the worst kind. Often there is an aspect of economic abuse where the victim doesn’t have money to leave, they are so isolated from family and friends that they can’t ask for help, and the chances of an escalation in violence to being life threatening increases dramatically in the days and weeks following the victim trying to leave.

Here is a basic guide to recognizing Domestic Abuse

Domestic violence can happen in any relationship. Women are far more likely to become victims of domestic violence, and while the systems in place are woefully inadequate there are still structures in place to assist and support women and children DV survivors.

After a recent event where a friend was caught up in a dangerous and abusive relationship I realized, there are very few resources for men who are the victims on DV. Yes, men can suffer from Domestic Abuse, yes men do need help to get out of an abusive relationship, and yet there are only 2 shelters in Gauteng that will take male DV survivors. Neither of these shelters are easily accessible.

To complicate matters, if you are a gay male it is almost impossible to lay a report of violence with the police, obtain a protection order, or find a place of safety to go to. The issue of DV in the LGBT community is almost completely ignored. If you are gay and you aren’t married to your abuser, access to the structures for DV victim support and legal system is even more difficult.

After spending the day trying to find some sort of help for my friend and having phone call after phone call met with “I’m sorry there is nothing we can do” I realize that the LGBT community is still marginalized in South Africa and basic community support structures are inaccessible to the LGBT community.

 

 

 

Database of Men’s Organizations (focusing more on males as abusers than as the victim of DV)

Victim Empowerment resource document (comprehensive list of shelters and DV support however some of the shelters for men no longer exist

#ProjectPoetry 4

Previous poem by CupcakeMummy

#ProjectPoetry is a creative writing collaboration between 4 bloggers; GreenLydia, Flat White Concepts, CupcakeMummy and myself.

Every week we each write a poem. The first line of the poem comes from a highlighted line in the previous poets poem.

so without further ado…

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To be seen

Mounds of flesh an epiphany
Hands that discover,
In supplication,
Those hidden spaces
Curves and straight planes

Gentle susurration of
Whispered devotions
To clothe skin left too bare
A mind laid naked
A body acquiesces

Reading history in Braille
Staccato of scars and soul
That smooth under confident caress
Transmuted
By intimate alchemy

#MyNameIs (and why it doesn’t matter)

Recently there has been a lot of noise on all social media platforms protesting against Facebook’s real name policy. The fight to be allowed to use an alias is being lead by a colorful group of drag queens, but don’t think that it is just some people on the outskirts of society who would want to or need to use an alias.

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For all or all the very good reasons as to why someone would want to use an alias everyone has missed the point.

Facebook Is not in the business of social media. Facebook is the most ingenious data mining website ever created. Social media is the hook they use to get you to hand over your personal information and by having your real name, email address, phone number, age, sex, country of residence, shopping habits, restaurant habits, holiday habits, and all the other info you willingly give over, they have a unique profile of you that is advertising gold!

Facebook will do anything to maintain the integrity of their sellable data and they really don’t care if they piss off a few minorities groups in doing so.