Fathers day for families without fathers.

With Mothers day and Fathers day having been celebrated recently there have been a lot of conversations happening in our household about what a family is. Living as a lesbian same-sex headed family has a couple interesting challenges when it comes to the topic of fathers. The greatest influence that triggers these conversations often comes from outside of the home, more specifically from the kids’ school.

Our twins go to an open-minded, child centered, Christianity based school. My wife is Christian and feels very strongly about including religion and spirituality in our kids’ lives. So before we sent the kids to school we interviewed a couple of schools with specific focus on how our unique family situation would be handled. The school we chose is very accepting and accommodating.

Part of the kids’ daily routine includes saying a prayer which includes giving thanks for having a mama and a papa. Monkey boy was the first to ask where his papa was. I was a little surprised to be having this conversation with two year olds, but with a bit of repetition the concept of a mama and a mommy has sunk in. We have used lots of discussion with the boys, pointing out various family types; the typical heterosexual couples we know who have a mama and a papa, single parent families, friends who are also same sex couples who have kids. The boys are starting to grasp rather big concepts about what a family is and that not all families are the same or are comprised of a stereotypical mom, dad and kids.

I don’t think that they have quite yet come to the boys and girls are different point yet (and hence mamas and papas are different) but gender is a whole other can of worms for a later stage. We have spent time with them naked and they have realised the mommy and mama have different bodies to them but they haven’t asked any whys or hows yet. I’m sure that time is coming sooner rather than later.

But back to fathers and Fathers day. Our kids’ teacher sent us a message and asked how we would like to deal with Fathers day. We didn’t want the boys to feel left out of the various craft fun and activities that were planned for the class so we asked the teacher to let them make cards for Oupa (DW’s dad) and Zaide (my dad). Both grandfathers loved being included in the boys Fathers day celebrations and the boys enjoyed giving their little gifts to their granddads. It was really quite sweet.

When it comes to Fathers day in a family who doesn’t have a father, it really works well if you use the holiday to celebrate the influential male presences in your kids’ lives. It doesn’t matter if it is an uncle, a grandparent, a close family friend… by refocusing on the love that the kids’ do have it turns an event that could feel exclusionary and makes it something that fosters strong bonds in the family that the kids do have. Hopefully these are the people that the boys will feel comfortable enough with to go to if they have issues that they would otherwise feel embarrassed to talk to us about. As the idiom goes, it takes a village to raise a child.


Toys for Boys and Toys for Girls – Edukits

I just love it when a toy company gets it right!

I got an email in my inbox this week and I thought I should share it. (see the bottom of this blog post)

Not only do Edukits make really awesome toys and various kits to stimulate imaginative play but also they have an ethos I can really get behind. Basically they say that there are no “girl” toys and “boy” toys and all kids should be given a wide variety of toys to play trucks in the dirt and clean the house regardless of the gender stereotypes enforced by society and toy companies.


Try telling him that dolls are for girls, Lion-cub is taking the dollies to go slide.

Here are a couple of their products that I really like:


They have a wide variety of awesome toys and kits which are very reasonably priced. I especially like the Dr Seuss book bundles for R300 (for 5 books) and the Duplo community people showing characters of mixed races and genders in various jobs.

Then for people who couldn’t be bothered with being Pintrest Parent Of The Year (While Making My Kids’ Edible Play Dough and Paint)… they even have edible finger paint and edible play dough kits ready made and ready to be played with.

Then they also have a very novel Monthly Kit Club that comes with a variety of 4 – 5 kits so that you have an array of activities to do with your kids whether you are looking for stuff to keep them occupied over the weekend or are homeschooling your kids.

Lovely hey?


Toys for Boys and Toys for Girls

I often get queries on recommended activity kits, books and toys for either girls or boys.  But if you look at my website you will notice that I don’t divide anything between genders.  Many people ask why it’s such a big deal and it certainly seems to be that in different ways all over the world at the moment, parents, schools and even kids themselves are generating a lot of noise about gender differences, equality and so forth. 

Perhaps the real question should be – how can we raise our children to view each other and themselves with respect, courtesy and kindness?  And sadly, it really does come back down (on some level) to the toys we provide our little ones with.  Traditionally, dolls are for girls, trucks are for boys.  Pink is for girls and blue is for boys.  Construction toys are for boys and household toys are for girls.  On the surface that seems benign.  But consider for a moment the messages this divisive attitude sends to our little ones. 

Did you know that 70% of girls toys are to do with playing house? And that 80% of girl’s toys are only in Pink and Red? 

Although it is becoming more acceptable to give our daughters LEGO and cars and trucks, it is still not quite acceptable to a large part of society to ensure our sons have dolls and toy brooms or that our daughters have access to science experiments and equipment.  The message silently being sent is that there are still specific fields we want to shut off to each of the genders.  By extension we are teaching our kids that they will have very specific roles to play in their own homes one day as well as in society and the work place.

We need to consider the impact that we have on our children’s views of the world and this is started within our own homes.  Let your sons play with toy brooms, let your daughters extend their scientific wonderings.  Encourage your son to play at being a dad with his own doll and let your daughter have her own tool kit.

And how does this carry into learning?  Most pre-teen and teenage girls when asked believe that they are bad at maths and the sciences.  Likewise most boys believe that languages, art, and creative subjects are things that girls should do.  Of course, this sort of gender stereotyping not only narrows each child’s career possibilities, it may also lead to them forgoing their own innate talents and abilities!  Encourage your daughter to enjoy science and numeracy along with her other interests and encourage your son to write stories, create artistically and enjoy learning languages and reading.

As parents, we also need to be aware of the language we are using to describe the activities and toys on offer.  Avoid using gender or colour to describe things – rather use their names or purposes.  Encouraging sharing of toys and activities between siblings and visitors is also a great way to show the benefits for both genders, and getting mom and dad to play with activities traditionally designed for opposite genders will go a long way to breaking through this invisible barrier.  Moms can enjoy LEGO and construction as much as dads can enjoy baking and playing house!

Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving girls pink dolls and ensuring your boy has a big truck to play with – just ensure there is a balance, a variety of items on offer to create an inspirational and accessible learning environment for your child – whatever their interests.

If you are unsure how to create an environment that is balanced across subjects, abilities, gender and interests please drop me an e-mail, let’s discuss it.

Kind regards,


Edukits: Build, Mould, Play, Explore!
082 331 5273

Potty training – Pampers vs Huggies

Lion-cub showing his baba how it’s done.


We are in the thick of potty training. It is going well and the boys are really getting good at going to the loo when prompted.

I can’t begin to describe the joy I feel at the idea that poopy nappies will soon be a thing of the past. That said, I am also less than enchanted by the number of poopy underpants I find myself washing out.

The boys don’t wear nappies during the day and go to the loo as they need to. We still have a couple accidents every now and then but they are getting fewer. Poor Monkey boy gets really upset when he has accidents so we try pre-empt them by taking the boys to the loo regularly.

Pull ups are a godsend for when we are driving in the car or in a very busy environment (like when we go visit Ouma and Oupa) where the boys are distracted and less likely to take notice of the urge to go to the loo.


I have always used a combination of Pampers and Huggies depending on which are on special. Usually, it was Pampers Active in the day and Huggies for boys at night. We had way too many leaks at night with Pampers and Huggies worked better. Only problem with Huggies were they were much more expensive and hardly ever on special at Dischem which limited me buying them exclusively.

Imagine my surprise when I realised that Huggies Gold Slip on Pants were actually cheaper than Pampers Active Pants for boys.

I went on to Twitter and asked other moms which they were using and the results were overwhelmingly in favour of Huggies. Even better was Huggies (@Huggies_SA) contacting me directly and couriering me a couple samples of their Slip on Pants. (Well done Huggies on social media done right, you have a devoted fan in me now!)


So here is the breakdown of my experience of the different nappies.


Pampers Active Boy Pants

Huggies Slip on Pants



5 (12kg-18kg)

5 (14kg-18kg)

Price (per nappy)

R3.73 (takealot) R4.16 (dischem)

R3.39 (takealot & dischem)


Go Diego Go

Winnie the Pooh


One size fits all

Adjustable sides





Good – specific boy front panel

Good – unisex

Toddler pull up





My experience so far is that the Huggies are a better fit. Although my boys are both 15kgs they have skinny hips and the re-sealable side panels mean I can fit it snugly and it stops the front panel from folding down inside the nappy. The re-sealable side panels also mean that you don’t have to remove shoes and pants to change a nappy, nor tear the side panels to change a poopy nappy.

The downside? My boys are Go Diego Go OBSESSED and keep asking for Diego pants. I might have to go find Diego underpants somewhere before I have a riot on my hands.

Finally, it also comes down to the cost of the nappies. I have twins… this means everything is paid for x 2. There are no hand me downs from an older sibling, no 3 year gap between having to add new expenses for a second child. Cost matters! I am very happy with the quality of Huggies and look forward to using them, it is an added bonus that they are cheaper than Pampers.



Mothers’ day – how to navigate having two moms

DW forgot mother’s day. Well not actually, she got the date wrong because of a mix-up on the reminder on her phone, and as luck would have it we were away with my folks for the weekend and there was no way either of us was going to get to sleep in or have breakfast in bed. Being two pragmatic people we decided to postpone our Mothers’ day for this weekend past so that we could have all the traditional celebrations.

On a side note: Seeing my dad give my wife a “dude you fucked up” look in a moment of masculine bonding was priceless and I love them both a bit more for that moment.

Now when you have toddlers there is no chance in hell that both parents are going to get a sleep in. Mother’s day weekend tends to be very busy with all the grannies that need a little celebrating too. As such, we have decided that from now on we will always celebrate Mothers’ day the week after the traditional mother’s day. What we did this year was DW got Saturday and I got Sunday. We each got a sleep in. We each got breakfast in bed. We each got a day to choose how we wanted to spend it with our family. The result was a magical weekend which left our hearts full and our little family brimming with happy vibes and love.

Last year we tried arranging it with me celebrating mother’s day and DW celebrating father’s day, but it left DW feeling a little left out and unrecognised with all the other happy moms. DW is a mom after all, a butch mom yes, but still a mom. Trying to celebrate on the same day doesn’t work because someone is always going to be left on baby duty (for a good couple years to come) and being the organiser.

Breakfast in bed and good morning cuddles are without a doubt the best Mothers’ day gift. My coffee got spilled into my plate of scrambled egg. The boys ate most of DW’s crumpets with strawberries and cream… but that it the best part of family life isn’t it? Those beautiful moments of togetherness which are imperfectly perfect.


Also DW redeemed her mixed up dates by gifting me a beautiful Wushoff 16″ cooks knife and a candy thermometer for jam making. Lucky me.

Play dough recipe


I adapted this fabulous play dough recipe from The Deliberate Mom my first attempt was a little too dry so I added an extra half a cup of water which gave a much better consistency.

Aromatherapy Play Dough

2 cups flour
1 cup salt
4 Tbsp. cream of tartar
2 Tbsp. mineral oil (or baby oil)
2.5 cups water
Food colouring (for vivid colour use about 1/3 to 1/2 a bottle)
10 drops of essential oil in either lavender or chamomile

Mix dry ingredients in a large pot.
Mix water, oil and food colouring thoroughly and stir into the dry
Stir constantly over medium heat until mixture thickens.
When you find it difficult to turn your wooden spoon, it is done. I found that it formed a ball around the spoon.
Remove from heat.
Cool slightly, then knead.
And essential oil to the dough while kneeding.
Store in a covered container or in a sealed plastic bag.

Don’t put this dough in the refrigerator!