A friend on Facebook posted the following:
“Motherhood: the magical state of being that transforms a simple cup of tea into a shining holy grail”
It got me thinking that I haven’t had a hot cup of tea since the boys were born. I now drink black rooibos because it tastes good hot or cold.
Other things I miss:
Sleeping more than 2.5 hours at a stretch
Watching an episode of anything on TV
Things I love:
Baby smell (we don’t use scented products but they still smell so good)
Squishy knees and bums
Sleeping baby cuddles
Sleeping baby giggles
Watching Dear Wife play with the boys and comfort them when they cry
I can say I have never felt so full of love in my life before. I love our boys. I love Dear Wife. I love how Dear Wife looks after the boys and interacts with them. It really makes my heart swell with love for her. That kind of love that has you swallowing a lump in your throat and fighting back tears.
Some days happiness takes a back seat to frustration and irritability but that warm bubbly love is always there.
Breastfeeding has been so easy for me. In the hospital Lion Cub wouldn’t latch because he had to go into NICU for a few hours for oxygen and observation. For the first two days he was fed with a syringe and topped up with formula. On day 3 he suddenly “got it” and latched and drank. Monkey was a little hesitant at first but by the end of day 1 was sucking like a pro. Lion Cub struggled to latch at first while Monkey was a little boob piranha. Now Lion Cub has the better latch and the better appetite. Monkey is somewhat of a fussy eater. He doesn’t like lying in certain positions and needs to be winded at regular intervals during a feed. He also eats much less than his brother. This shows in their weights, at 9 weeks Monkey weighed 3.7kg and Lion Cub a whopping 4.3kg considering they were born with a 200g difference in weight.
I exclusively breastfed until I decided that sleep was worth a formula bottle and we started giving one formula bottle at 7pm from about 6 weeks. It really does help them sleep better and takes the pressure off me a bit. Sometimes we’ve had to top up with formula during growth spurts but they still get mommy milk at every feed.
Recently Monkey started pulling off the boob and crying, this was accompanied by scratching and kicking. All in all very disconcerting as a breastfeeding mom. The calm, enjoyable and relaxing experience of breastfeeding suddenly became a battle of wills and the constant fussing made tandem feeding almost impossible. For about a week the boys were getting bottles almost exclusively with me expressing so that they could at least still drink mommy milk. I would try feeding the boys individually on the boob but Monkey would still throw the performance of a lifetime.
Up until yesterday I was seriously wondering if I was going to be able to continue breastfeeding and then I figured out a trick…
Put Monkey on the boob while he is fast asleep. No fuss, no crying, just content and sleepily suckling baby. We even managed to do a feed with him awake and a tandem feed at 11pm last night. It seems that the nightmare week of bad feeding has gotten sorted out. I can understand how some women give up on breastfeeding. It can be such a battle, bit when it works it is bliss.
What an exhausting few days. Monkey is a particularly spirited little boy. He is very vocal about his likes and dislikes. When he is unhappy he throws hissy fits. Lion Cub on the other hand is a much more chilled out baby. They take turns not sleeping Monkey will cry solidly for 3 hours whereas Lion Cub will just lie there happily watching the world go by and will only cry if he is left in his boring cot.
My father-in-law came to babysit for 2 hours yesterday afternoon. It means I got to sleep for a bit while someone else looked after babies. He doesn’t however understand that the babies really do need to sleep. If a boy squeaks or opens his eyes or even so much as twitched FIL is there ready to pick them up. So neither boy slept much. By 7pm they were both exhausted. Lion cub went straight to sleep but Monkey had a monumental meltdown and cried constantly until the 11pm feed. Dear Wife and I took turns consoling him and handing the screaming baby over when the frustration got too much.
Monkey does this regularly. At least once every 2-3 days. He falls into the medical definition of a colicky baby. Inconsolable crying for more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week for 3 weeks. But I still don’t know if it qualifies as colic… it doesn’t seem bad enough?
No-one tells you about how frustrating a crying baby can be. Hours of crying on end can wear down even the strongest mommy. What I wasn’t prepared for was the anger that comes with the frustration. Sometimes I have an uncontrollable wave of animosity towards my babies and I just want to scream at them and shake them until they stop crying. That is the point where I usually hand over to Dear Wife. Another trick I found works for me is to gently kiss them on the top of their heads while they are crying. It doesn’t soothe them but it does calm me down and ease the frustration. I’ve also learnt to just leave them to cry when it gets too much for me. With twins you only have one set of hands and if both start crying you can only pick one up at a time, it used to freak me out if they both cried at the same time. Now I cope better.
I have a single-mother-by-choice friend who raised twins alone without a nanny. I have a new found respect for her. My nanny is going on leave for a week as she has a memorial service to attend. I’m going to be home alone for an entire week. I am more than a little apprehensive. The worst thing is my magic in-laws are away at the same time so my usual support structures aren’t there. Eeek! This feels like a trial by fire. Hopefully I will come out on the other side a more confident mommy.
Welcome, welcome, welcome everybody. Step right up and witness the three-ring circus that is my life as a mommy of twins.
I am a mommy to fraternal twin boys. They are 2 months old. I initially started this blog to write about our journey to fall pregnant, pregnancy and parenthood, but this didn’t quite work out all that well. Falling pregnant was remarkably easy and our first try resulted in me being pregnant with twins. Pregnancy was a blur… without a doubt the fastest 38 weeks of my life. And before I could blink I was a mommy with two little blue bundles wrapped and sleeping in their nursery.
So here I am finally dusting off my keyboard and starting my blog, two months in to being a parent. Hopefully I can find time to be a good blogger, please be patient with me.
This blog is a dedication to Monkey and Lion Cub, the second best things to happen to me. The first being meeting and marrying the love of my life, Dear Wife.